It's more like Hell Week times two. One week is worse than the other though.

My friend Kristen and I decided to do a little seven-day diet. It's not that we think we are particularly overweight, but after seeing myself in a bathing suit in Turks & Caicos, I thought I could stand to lose a few of those nachos/cakes/hamburgers – whatever – that I gobbled up over the holidays.

This diet doesn't mean starving myself or only drinking lemon water. I'm allowed to eat as much as I want, but only of certain things. The main staple of the diet is this vegetable soup that Kristen made. It's not horrible, but it's fucking bland. The menu changes from day to day, but it includes mostly fruits and vegetables. One day, we get a baked potato. Another, we get a steak. Etc, etc. You have to eat the soup everyday.

And, holy shit it's way more difficult to diet than I ever imagined. After a day or two of only fruits and veggies and fucking baby food soup, a baked potato was like a rack of ribs. The day I get the steaks will be a holy day. But I figured I might as well stick through the diet to see if I can knock of, what, three pounds? Who knows.

At the very least, I know it will make me appreciate the flavor of non-diet food. My cravings are going buck-wild for anything with salt or sugar or something-that-would-not-be-healthy.

Now, there are things I crave all the time; nachos, for example, are always on my mind. But in the past few days, I have been yearning for foods that I wouldn't normally care about.

Here is a list of foods I have fantasized about since I started this one week diet. Most of them are brought on by seeing someone else eat them.

CRAVINGS:
– One giant chocolate chip cookie
– Churros
– Corn nuts (I inhaled a lot near the lady eating them so I could taste them in my nostrils)
– Popped chips (barbecue flavor)
– Gummy bears
– Roast beef sandwich
– Cool Ranch Doritos
– Animal crackers (sitting in a jar on my colleague's desk)
– Twix ice cream bar

You get the idea.

Dieting sucks. I'm also starting to work out. Moral of the story: I want to eat what I want to eat and working out is better than dieting. I'll try to eat healthier in general, of course, but there is no fucking way that I'm giving up my junk food.

So, that's one week.

Hell Week will be doubled because I will be on the second week of working 12 days straight. I got an opportunity to work with the big bosses at one of my jobs (on my day off) and of course I wouldn't pass that up. But it means 12 days in a row of work, work, work. Tomorrow marks Day 5 of it.

At least I will be able to eat my fuckin' nachos. I hope I stop craving churros and corn nuts, though. I haven't craved those things since like 8th grade.

Let's hope that after all this, I look just a tiny bit better in a bathing suit. Fingers crossed.