Carmelita!” The coordinator gave a low whistle. “Wow. She is full of herself.”
Carmelita scowled. “I’m full of wonder, beauty (This is where Sunny snickered.), and perfection, buy you’re just a cakesniffer!” she shrieked.
The coordinator took a slice of the cake and ate it. “I sniff cakes everyday, along with chicken, pasta, and enchiladas!” He held up a sign that said “1.5.”
Carmelita started to cry. “This isn’t fair! The judge hates me!” She ran out the door.
“Good riddance!” said Sunny.
The coordinator cleared his throat. “And now, here we are at Sunny’s enchilada, and wow! What a piece of work! There is just enough meat to fill the tortilla, enough cheese to keep it together, and enough sauce to make it taste good!” The mouths of the bystanders watered. The coordinator took a large bite. He held up a “10.0.” Sunny walked away with $100.

(C)
Violet scowled. At the very least, there were 25 other people and Violet had no ideas. Then her mind wandered to something Klaus said after they had their civiche. “We need a source of water.” Violet would make a water purifier! Unfortunately, she didn’t have a ribbon to tie her hair up in. She placed a coffee filter over a funnel. She placed that into a can. When she poured tap water into the

objections, they finally decided on “Aerial Ace 2”. Until that is, they ran out of tokens.
“What’ll we do now?” asked Klaus.
“I wanted to compete in the Journalistic Journey,” said Duncan. “We take a nature hike through somewhere that is about to be torn down, and we write about how it looks in hopes of saving the area. The letter chosen to be sent in gets a cash prize.”
Isadora got her turn. “I wanted to compete in Poetic Power. The best poem is published in the Davis Enterprise, and gets a cash prize.”
Quigley had just about had enough. “Look, let’s just meet back here in an hour, ok?” But everyone had already left…

(A)
The next four parts of this chapter, B, C, D, E, F, and G aren’t in chronological order. There are 36 ways to read… blah, blah, blah. You heard this speech on page 17. If you are an idiot like me, you will have forgotten the speech already. So go back to page 17, and come back here, and read the next parts however you want. (And this time, I don’t care if you read them upside-down or sideways.)

(B)
“Unfair!” cried Sunny. The coordinator of Culinary Cook-Off sighed, and repeated what he just said. “I said you are too young to be in the Culinary Cook-Off. Sunny sulked some more. Then

she bit the leg of the coordinator as hard as she could. “Ouchies!” he said, flying into the air. He fell with a thud. “OK, you can be in the Culinary Cook-Off,” he said. “Just sign here.” Sunny signed the paper he held out with a very elaborate X. The coordinator groaned. “Write your name!” The coordinator’s only reward was a second nibbled leg.
Sunny started making a chicken and cheese enchilada. As she was grilling the chicken she muttered “Phooey” as she saw Carmelita walk up to her. “That’s a cakesniffing concoction, but what do you expect from a cakesniffer?”
Sunny bared her teeth. “Esmé!” screamed Carmelita. Justice Strauss walked up to Sunny. “Nice to see you again!” she said with a wide smile. She got the stove next to Sunny, and was             (33) making Puttanesca sauce with pasta. Sunny bit her hand rather gently.
“No one is happy to see me again,” pouted Carmelita.
“Who’d be?” asked Sunny. “You’re a bad kid.” Carmelita pouted, and walked away.
“May the better cook win,” whispered Justice Strauss to Sunny.
“Me!” Sunny cried.
“I’ll be the judge of that,” said the coordinator. He stood on the podium and said “Ladies and gentlemen! Boys and girls! We are now ready for the judging!” he walked over to Carmelita’s cake. It said “Happy Birthday

“And you won’t live that long!” said a voice behind them. Quigley recognized the voice coming from the bald man from Olaf’s theatre troupe. The bald man hit Violet on the head she was just shaking. She went down, still shaking her head.
“Big no-no!” Sunny cried. She bit the bald man on the hand as hard as she possibly could that he just used to hit Violet.
“Yowza!” he yelled. Just then, the fat man who looked like neither a man nor a woman came rolling down a hill towards Klaus. Klaus was hit, sending him into a tree. When it started toward Violet, Quigley poured some civiche in his path. He slipped, flying into the river, hopefully never to be seen again. Duncan and Isadora picked up Violet while Quigley dragged Klaus. Soon both were awake, and they were headed towards Davis once more.
In Davis, there is a place called the Memorial Union. It is close to campus, which makes it a great hang-out. This is where our band of orphans ended up. They ate more civiche. That was when Quigley found a fiver on the ground.
“Yay!” said Klaus, Duncan, and Quigley. They fed it into the token machine.
“What game do you want to play?” asked Duncan.
“Jeopardy!” said Klaus.
Quigley laughed. “You know so much you should be disqualified!” After 15 minutes of kind

After an hour, Violet had time to look at the groceries. “They are even in plastic containers!”
Duncan was still mad. “What! The fish?!”
Violet ignored his tone. “Yup!”
Sunny mixed everything into one container, and then put it equally into the other containers, save the one that would belong to Beatrice. Sunny mixed Beatrice’s extra well, and didn’t giver her as much as the other children got in their portion. Everyone took their container, said grace, and started eating. Night passed and morning came, bringing with it more opportunities.
“The civiche won’t rot for a while, thanks to the salt, but if we’re going to have a little more salt in our system, we will need a little more water,” reasoned Klaus.
“Good job, Mr. Watson! Did you figure that all by yourself?” Duncan snorted. Everyone’s lips were chapped, and actually had difficulty speaking.
Isadora was a little more charitable. “There, the Stricken Stream!” she cried. Violet and Quigley immediately started filling the fish containers with water (after rinsing them out). When they were done, Violet put 1 small hole in each. Everyone took sips out of the holes. Then Violet and Quigley would refill them as they walked.
“Where’re we headed now?” whispered Duncan.“I have no idea,” Isadora whispered back.“Maybe we won’t need to know,” whispered Quigley.

“Children!” Mr. Poe was coughing in his handkerchief.
“Mr. Poe!” Violet gasped. Seeing Mr. Poe doing nothing was a new sight.
“Even though you have been accused of countless crimes, I am still in charge of Orphan Affairs, and thus I must find you a new guardian.” He turned to the Quagmires. “And as their accomplice in many of these crimes, you also must be sent to the same guardian: the police. Violet still doesn’t like people telling her what to do, or that someone needs to take care of her. That totally makes her feels like a baby. “Run!” she cried. The orphans ran as fast as they could, never looking back.
Violet tripped. Klaus reached into her backpack and took out the map. “I think we should head south in hopes of finding a prosperous city,” Klaus said.
Violet got up and pointed at a point on the map. “That city is the closest,” she said. “Its name is slightly faded, but I think it says ‘Davis’”
Duncan moaned. “I wish we had a car,” he said.
Violet grinned. “Well, if you want to wait here for 365 days, I’ll be able to drive” she said.
“And if you wait here for a million years, perhaps I’ll win the lottery! And that’s not too long off.” Klaus said.
Violet shook her head. “Erm… we must be 21 to enter the lottery,” she said.

Klaus understood… sort of. He didn’t know why good arguing helps in a schism, but he knew it would work with siblings. “Why would that help in a schism?” he asked.
Max did a mix between a smile and a frown. “My friend and I were in what’s now the last safe place, and we were arguing where to put the book on bikinis. If it were still in Hotel Denouement, then it would be on number 000.”
Klaus looked at Max quizzically again. “You mean…”
Max shook his head. “After what happened, we didn’t talk to each other, so we couldn’t argue.” And that is how I ended up putting the V.F.D. where is now. Tears streamed down Max’s eyes.Violet came to (and she managed to hear the whole thing), and said “You don’t need to say more. We understand.”
Max’s tears now looked like the White-Water Waterfall. “No you don’t. You see, that man was Count Olaf.”

The children were outside of the store, stunned.
Violet reacted by fainting in Quigley’s lap.
“What…?” was Klaus’s reaction.
Sunny turned as red as she was as when she was born. And that was as red as blood.
Isadora silently fumed.
Duncan clenched his teeth. And Beatrice?
Impossible to tell, she was still a baby.

is very expensive, and the fishermen must be very experienced and well trained, and…”
Max sighed (and interrupted). “Everything is 80% off because we are going out of business.”
Violet got up, but hearing that sentence made her faint again. Quigley had to catch her again. Then he said, “Maybe that’s because you guys are called ‘Last Chance.’ If you called yourself ‘First Opportunity,’ that should get you customers comin’ in by the millions.”
Max looked thoughtful. “I’ll let the manager know about that,” he said. Then he pointed to Quigley. “Say, have you been good to your mother?”
Quigley looked confused, but as he thought, a slow grin crept over his face. “The question is, ‘Has she been good to you?”
Max grinned, “Your parents were part of that organization, but that’s not the entirely correct code.
“Yes, but the real code is in bad grammar,” he replied.
Max grinned. “Good luck.” Then he turned to Klaus. “I knew your parents,” he thought wistfully. “They had everything I didn’t have, courage, talent, friends, and most important, arguing skills.”
Klaus looked at Max quizzically. “Arguing skills?” he asked, too shocked for proper grammar.

Duncan immediately looked sorry. “I’m sorry,” he said, “but maybe this sign was put here to trick us. We should go wandering off to nowhere if that is the case.”
“Yay!” shouted Isadora.“Duncan has learned how to think!”
Quigley frowned. “When did you guys start arguing and stuff anyway?” he asked. Isadora and Duncan immediately pointed to another. “Forget I asked,” said Quigley.
Violet headed east. “Where do you think you’re going?” asked Klaus.
“Well, we came from the west coast right? It’s only reasonable to go east, especially since we know what’s to be expected.” Bertrand and Beatrice Baudelaire, the Baudelaire parents, had taken Violet and Klaus on a road tour across the country when they were little. Quigley and Violet picked up Beatrice, and followed Klaus.

“I’m hungry!” complained Klaus, “When’s lunch? We’ve been walking for hours!”
Quigley turned as red as an umeboshi plum. “Oh, for the love of Pete! Violet and I had to carry Beatrice this long! Quit complaining, it puts you in the light of a wimp!”
Violet took care of the problem in a different manner, “Everyone’s feet hurt,” she said, “but there’s the Last Chance General Store. There’s also a restaurant.”

Sunny grinned. “Civiche!” Civiche is fancy French dish that consists of seafood, spices, and seaweed. Sunny wanted to make a change: add lemon juice. Violet and Quigley took a $100 bill, and picked out the freshest flounder, tuna, and swordfish. The other Quagmires and Klaus chose some seaweed from the lobster tank. Sunny and Beatrice guarded $600. When everyone had everything, they cautiously walked to the checkout counter, full aware that they had sent a telegram from here about a year before, only to have been recognized as the murderers of Count Omar. The children wondered what would happen, and if they would be prosecuted.

Chapter Three
“Good evening,” said the cashier in a slow, agitated drawl. “I’m Max because my nameplate says so. How’re you?”
The children looked at each other, then at Max. Max was a tall and gangly guy with black hair that looked like it was hacked at with a sword. “We are fine,” Violet answered. “Now can you ring everything up?”
Max rolled his eyes, like he had nothing better to do. “Sure, sure… that’ll be $50 honkin’ greenbackers on the nose.”
Violet fainted. Quigley caught her, and said, “That’s cheap! Are you sure? The equipment used

was the wrong person to ask. She smashed the glass with her flashlight.
“Hooray!” shouted Klaus.
“Bring out the beer!” yelled Duncan.
Isadora rolled her eyes. “The beer will be ready in 6 years,” she drawled.
Klaus and Duncan laughed. “It was a joke, you know,” they said.
“That’s why I’m being sarcastic.” Isadora groaned.
Klaus and Duncan frowned. “For once in our miserable lives, we were having fun. You shouldn’t interrupt the little fun we get,” Klaus said quietly.
Isadora sighed. “You’re right.”
As the children finally got out of their prison, Duncan hit his head on a street sign. “What a klutz,” said Isadora. That was when she saw the sign itself. “Oh dearie me…”
“Dark Avenue?” asked Violet. “That’s a name I haven’t heard in a while, and also one I never wanted to hear.”
“Maybe we should pay Justice Strauss and Jerome Squalor a visit, hm?” asked Klaus, sounding way too old for his age.
Duncan was paying absolutely no attention to this parody. “This seems a lot like Nothing Avenue,” he joked.
“Loco Parentis,” Sunny scowled, referring to their discussion with Mr. Poe a few years ago.

Klaus couldn’t help joining in. “Yeah, our jobs were no where near what they cropped up to be!”
Quigley turned as red as an umeboshi plum. “This argument only just started. Well guess what? I don’t like any kind of argument. Especially the short and loud kind,” he said, enunciating every word so he himself didn’t blow up.
Isadora, Duncan, and Klaus sighed. “We’re sorry,” they said in unison.
Violet mumbled a long string of words that made absolutely no sense to anyone but to Klaus. And he only knew what it meant.
Klaus grinned. “You have an idea, spill it to the world.
Everyone looked at Violet, who shrugged. “Actually, it’s an idea that’s taking shape, but I’ll need quite a few things. Everyone immediately gave Violet their full attention. “I need a cigarette lighter so I can burn through these bars.”
Quigley tossed her one. “I don’t use it anymore anyway. I used to use them to signal for fellow volunteers, but now…”
Violet put a finger to Quigley’s finger. “I understand,” she said quietly, using her right hand to burn through the bars. After a while, the bars turned into dust. Violet found that behind the bars was a pane of glass. “Now can I get a heavy object?” asked Violet. Duncan attempted to pick up Isadora. “Not that heavy,” Violet scolded. When Duncan picked up a backpack, Violet saw Duncan

This chapter now resumes chronological order for parts F and G.
(Back to the story)

(F)
“Oof!” “Ow!” “Wah!” Violet, Klaus, and Sunny fell into a shaft. “Where are we?” asked Violet.
“I have no clue,” said Klaus. “But it reminds me of the Ersatz Elevator,” he concluded.
“Payout?” asked Sunny pointing to the outline of six bills. Klaus put them into his pocket.
“Where will we go?” asked Violet. I’m sorry to say that “Where can we go?” is the correct question. I cannot tell you what the Baudelaires felt to be trapped for the umpteenth, time, once again hoodwinked by the evils of this world. What anyone can tell you is that they felt large pain and great joy when the Quagmires fell onto the Baudelaires with a mighty thud.

“Oof!” “Ow!” “Urgh!” “Wah!” I repeat: the Quagmires fell on the Baudelaires with a mighty thud. “Thanks for dropping in,” said Violet.
Isadora groaned. “Puns,” she moaned. “I can’t take puns, especially at a time like this.”
Violet nodded. “I completely understand,” spacing out.
A shout from Duncan brought her back to reality instantly, “Yeah? Well, without cash, life’s a bore!”

as quickly as the children getting their jobs. Nero left as quickly as people getting bored of his violin concerts.
“How does this thing work?” asked Quigley. “Just put the candy on the scale. Then put the sticker that comes out of the register on the candy. Then when someone buys the candy bag, type what you were given. The register automatically gives change,” said Isadora. “Clear enough?” she asked. All of the children laughed.
Isadora covered a piece of black licorice in corn syrup, and then she sprinkled blue sprinkles onto it. Then she covered the confection in corn starch, followed by yellow sprinkles. Finally, she dipped in corn syrup again, followed by red sprinkles. She bagged 25 pieces for herself, and threw the rest into the allsorts bin. Duncan then stirred it and placed it into a bag. Then Quigley took it and placed it on the weighing machine attached to the cash register. Quigley put the automatically printed sticker on a bag, and then displayed it. A customer would then hand Quigley a bill, which was placed in the register, which would automatically produce change. It was a smooth operation. Even Vice Principal Nero was finally satisfied, who said “Mmm…” all the way out. Not even an annoying imitation. Unfortunately, the Quagmires fell asleep. But luckily, they felt $100 bills in their pockets.

(Not part of the story)

(E)
“But this candy was made yesterday!”
“Look lady, this candy isn’t fresh, and unless you give me a refund like this sign says I can, I’m going to sue!” Isadora walked in. She saw a sight she never wanted so see again: Vice Principal Nero. He was shouting at the top of his lungs. The woman, whose name tag said “Master Maker Marley” out of bubble gum, was underneath the counter.
Isadora, Marley’s hero, interrupted. “Hello, we are children looking for work. I’m a poet, he’s a journalist, he’s apparently a volunteer, and I have no idea what she’s going to be.”
As if on cue, Beatrice gurgled, “Goo Goo! Gaa Gaa! Wii!” The children decided not to give Vice Principal Nero any attention whatsoever, a feet that neither I nor Lemony Snicket have ever been able to accomplish to this day.
Marley instantly cheered up some. “Oh hello! I do have a job for each of you. The poet can make licorice allsorts. We need new shapes each day, and here you can let you imagination flow!” These magical words got Isadora started instantly. “It is good to give them different shapes, because that is what they want.” The children looked at each other. “The journalist can write about our success as a candy shop. The journalist can write about whatever he wants, as long as it boosts our reputation.” Duncan quickly started writing. “And you can run the cash register. See ya.” Marley left

to prove it. He knew the Hungarian Sloth Snake could only go up to half an inch per hour, but watching it move next to a ruler was absolutely pointless. At the end of “Invertebrates,” Klaus fell asleep.
(D)
Sunny grinned. She was cooking a chicken-and-cheese enchilada, which she had learned how to make by watching Hector. Now all she had to do was cook it. She placed it in the oven, set it to ‘LO’ and started on the popular strawberry smoothie. She scooped some vanilla yogurt into the blender, along with strawberries, milk, and Aloe Vera. After 30 seconds, she put it into a cup. A bellboy in a Killer Whale costume picked up the smoothie and went to serve it to the angry customers outside. As every good manager knows, angry customers are the worse thing for a growing restaurant. “Ka-ding!” The enchilada was ready. Sunny took the enchilada out of the oven and took a whiff. It was too much. She had been cooking since 8:00 AM and it was now 1:00 PM. Being around cooking smells is bad if you are going to work for a whole day. The smell of melted 4-cheese and chicken was tempting. To make a long story short, Sunny gave in. She took a bite. To her, it tasted like heaven. She took another bite. And another. But then she tasted something else she recognized, and it wasn’t the sauce. It was sleeping potion. Poor Sunny fell asleep before she hit the ground.

and pulleys, and then you suddenly had the ability to walk, would you just sit there?” he asked of Violet.
“I never thought of it that way,” said Violet. “Guess I have to look everywhere, huh?” But she was now talking to no one. Then she saw a man with jerky movements, but movements with a pattern. “Are you a DIA robot?” she asked as she caught up with it.  It responded by plowing Violet over. Violet opened the back panel, and was welcomed with a geyser of hot water. “OW!” she cried. She kicked the robot over, and the hot water fell into a drain. She didn’t notice the sign on it that said, “WARNING! WARTURTLE!”
As she put the robot back on its feet, it dashed up a ladder plowing through a man dressed in a black suit, complete with stovepipe hat. Violet made a mental note not to block a ladder as well as a fire exit. Then Violet saw a robot handing out tickets. Although the sign near the robot said, “Now showing: Enemies of the Anemone,” the tickets read, “Shark Attack.” When she opened the back panel of this robot, she saw an ant inside the printer. As she reached out for it, she fell in. She smashed the ant, but as she did so, she felt the robot walk, taking her into the black unknown.
(C)
Klaus was bored. He’d rather just read than see it explained in a boring documentary. He’d read that a Blue Whale can be 70 school buses wrong, but he hated them being driven over the whale just

none of which are going to happen for a long time,” said Mrs. Nice, the not-so-nice receptionist.
“But I’m 16!” cried Violet. “I’m excellent with tools, and I’m sure I can fix a few things! I’m sure if you saw my résumé the Management would make an exception. And my 13-year old brother already knows every word on the SAT test and my sister is an exceptional cook for…”
Mrs. Nice held up a hand. “Well, I suppose you can be paid $100 daily,” she said with a scorn, “but you’ll have to fix the do-it-all robots. They’ve went evil! The librarian can watch the videos to make sure the words are eloquent and accurate. The makers used Wikipedia for crying out loud!” Violet and Klaus gave Mrs. Nice a sympathetic look. “And the toddler can cook in the Café, I suppose.” High-fives all around. “But you three teens will have to work in the candy store, and I don’t know what they pay.” Sad faced children all around.
(A)
The next four parts of this chapter, B, C, D, and E aren’t in chronological order. There are 16 ways to read them. You pick, since I don’t care (Back to the story)

(B)
“Excuse me, where are the do-it-all robots?” asked Violet of a fat, hooded employee. The employee shrugged.
Another employee walked up. It seemed that he was wearing a wig. “If you were a mess of gears

timber to cut the coconut in half. Then, using her Swiss army knife (which she had in her pocket the day the news of her parents’ death reached her), cut holes in the coconut. After that, she then cut slits in the pie tin, and folded them upwards. Finally, she stuck the piece of timber in both, and spun the piece of timber while holding the coconut halves, like a crank. The orphans laughed as they fanned each other. Finally, everyone was dry.
“Is there anything you can’t invent?” asked Duncan, still laughing as Isadora fanned him in the ear.
Violet sighed. “I hate admitting I can’t invent time, space, energy, more matter, anti-aging agents…”
Duncan interrupted. “Ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer.
Violet grinned. “That theorem has been proven true on many occasions,” using one of her favorite insults.
Duncan turned red. “Just what’re you implying!?” he demanded.

“Ask a stupid question, Based on a silly notion, 
Get a stupid answer, one you’ll need to ponder.”

Isadora said on the fly. Duncan mumbled something.
“Speak louder,” said Isadora

“If you had a mind, You will easily find,

That theorem, Just unproven.”

Duncan grinned. Isadora was shocked. “Your first poem,” she said quietly. Duncan quickly jotted it down in his commonplace book.
“If you hadn’t insulted me with you poem, I would never have came up with mine,” said Duncan.
Isadora smiled for the second time in as many minutes. “What are siblings for?”
After walking for what seemed like a very long time, the orphans looked up from their map they got from an information book at the pier where they landed. “It’s an aquarium,” exclaimed Violet. “And it seems to be in complete and total disrepair!”
“JOBS!” shouted Quigley.
“I want to learn how shark traps work,” said Violet.
“I want to learn about the Tiger Shark,” said Klaus.
“I want to look at the Great White jaws!” said Sunny.   
“We don’t know what we want to do!” said the Quagmires.
“We’ll confirm everything when we get there anyway, let’s go!” said Violet.

“I’m sorry, but there’s absolutely no way you kids are going to be able to work here unless one of you is at least 18 years, or I get in to trouble,

desperate for well-paying jobs. Both are quite unfortunate. Now see why I told you that story?
“We are orphans,” said Violet.
“We are desperate for jobs,” said Klaus.
“We are in the year 2007,” said Duncan.
“We are in Monterey Bay,” said Isadora.
“We are in need of jobs,” said Quigley.
“Okay, now that our heads are finally in the right place, and we know who we are, what we want, when we are, where we are, why we are here, why did you put us in grave danger?” asked Klaus.
“We were right here,” she said pointing to the Pacific Ocean, “and now we are right here,” she said, pointing to Monterey Bay, “and we were traveling 100 mph,” she said, pointing to the now broken speedometer on the now broken boat, “and we were originally going this fast before hit with the whale’s water spout,” she said, pointing to Quigley’s now broken pacer.
“TMI!” shouted Klaus.
“Nevertheless, we are all drenched, and we should get dry as not to inflict hypothermia onto us all,” said Quigley. Without a word, Violet tied her hair up with her violet ribbon and went down into the somewhat collapsed galley. “YAY!” shouted Quigley joyously. “She’s going to invent something that will help us become dry!”
After a while, Violet finally came up with an apple pie, a coconut, and a large piece of timber. “Eat up!” Violet said. As the orphans ate, wondering how this would help, Violet used the

tower, he had the honors of being hurtled to the ground at 60 mph. Do I really have to say he didn’t have fun? Isadora tried to ‘calm’ Klaus down with a poem:
“I hope you like blue whales,
this is gonna be a tale.”
Klaus actually stammered. “W-w-what are y-you  d-d-doing th-th-that for?” he asked. Away! Avast! Stop! Refrain!” Then the outrigger flew into the air, and landed on top of a fisher. They had made it to Monterey Bay, Hooray!

Everyone barfed. Everyone got out. Everyone spun around. Everyone was dizzy. Everyone fell. Everyone lost conscious. Everyone failed.

“Who?” asked Violet.
“What?” inquired Klaus.
“When?” demanded Duncan.
“Where?” wondered Isadora.
“Why?” reasoned Quigley.
“Huh?” gurgled Beatrice.
“Hey!” said Sunny.

Chapter Two
Remember Milo? I told you that story because the children were about to be hoodwinked, like Milo, the desperate child. Our heroes are

story, which here means, “Someone made it up, and then wrote it down.”

“There once was a boy named Milo, who earnestly desired to learn the best way to live his life. “I earnestly desire to learn the best way to live my life.” Unfortunately, he was very unhappy, and he wasn’t very smart either. Finally, he got a phone call that would make his life better (end it). “CONGRATS!” said the loud, automated voice. “YOU HAVE JUST WON AN ALL-EXPENSE PAID, 4-DAY, 3-NIGHT TRIP TO HAWAII!” Milo, very excited, asked his mom to drive him to the airport. When he got there, he found the plane had already left. He waited 5 hours for the next flight. 5 minutes into the flight, a terrorist blew up the plane, and the story, thank goodness, was over.”

“What is that big blue thing right in front of us?” asked Klaus.
“It’s a blue whale, Klaus,” said Violet, obviously annoyed at being asked of the obvious.
Klaus sighed, knowing he had irritated his sister further. “I know that, but what is it doing there?”
Violet grinned, knowing the horror her next sentence her next sentence would strike into her brother’s heart. “It’s the 4D!”
Klaus paled. He remembered that ride at Six Flags. It stood for Death-Defying Doom Drop. After the anticipation of climbing up a 25-story

Violet couldn’t help grinning. “That wasn’t very nice,” she commented. The boys shrugged. Violet decided she couldn’t blame the boys for being bored. She herself was, and she forgot to pack inventing tools.
When Isadora came up for a brunch of mixed seafood, coconut milk, and bread without yeast, she asked, “Why are we going to California?” After Violet finished swallowing the lump of bread in her mouth, she explained the shortage of workers there because of the many people leaving to fight in Iraq. “If I could choose, I’d go back to our hometown,” said Isadora wistfully.
Violet was shocked. “Why would you want to go there?” she asked. “You don’t even have a house any more!”
Isadora shrugged. “When we all come of age at the same time, I will be able to withdraw our sapphires in the form of cash, and then we will be able to rebuild our home.”
Violet grinned. “That sounds a lot like our plan, but now we’re outlaws.”
Isadora sighed. “I think we have it much better than you do. If you need something, all you need to do is ask.
Violet’s grin grew wider. “That’s very nice of you. Thanks.”
Then, Klaus thought for a moment. “If we don’t get our own fortune, who does?” This question got everyone thinking. But before I continue this story, I must tell you this fictional

They sang this one annoying verse over and over again, and it got louder and louder as the boys ascended onto the deck.
Finally, Isadora blew up. “YOU’LL WAKE UP THE BABIES!” she roared. Duncan laughed and sang more, but somewhat more quietly:
“This is a song that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friends, some people started singing it not knowing what it was, and they’ll continue singing it forever just because—.” Repeat. Repeat. Blah, blah, blah.
Isadora turned red. “A song that doesn’t use the same verse at least…” Duncan’s grin grew wider. Then he gesture to Klaus, who started singing:
“I know a song that drives everybody nuts, drives everybody nuts, drives everybody nuts.
I know a song that drives everybody nuts, and this is how it goes. Verse 2!:
I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves.
I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves
And this is how it goes. Verse 3!:” Here Duncan joined in so they could sing:
“We know a song that gets on everybody’s nerves, everybody’s nerves, everybody’s nerves.
We know a song that gets on everybody’s nerves, and this is how it goes!”
Finally Isadora shouted, and went below. Duncan and Klaus grinned. “Mission accomplished!”

They helped find your position;
We went to that destination.”
Violet was glad to see Isadora hadn’t lost her poetic touch. “I’m glad to see you 3 were reunited,” she said.
Klaus looked at Duncan, eying the piece of paper he was clutching to his chest. “I wrote the truth about the misfortunes we have experienced,” he said. “I thought it would be good for the world to see the first-person perspective.”
Klaus thought back to when they were pursued by the Daily Punctilio, which happily wrote malicious lies about the Baudelaires’ antics. “Don’t submit it to the Daily Punctilio,” he said.
Duncan rolled his eyes. “No duh.”
Klaus rolled his eyes. “‘Duh’ isn’t a word.”
Duncan grinned. “Duh.” Klaus sighed.
Isadora fumed. “Duncan, would you kindly think about where we are living, the owner of it, and realize we should submit to their wishes?” Duncan did so with a simple word, “Fine.”
The next day, Violet and Isadora arose early. “Where are we going?” Isadora asked.
“We are headed toward Carmel, California, on the west coast of North America.” Violet replied.
A sudden burst of laughter rose from below, followed by the sound of Klaus and Duncan’s singing.                                                                   
“Are we there yet? It won’t be very long I bet! I know I just asked but I forget! Are we there yet?”

We need to go right now, or we will have to wait another year.”
Klaus leafed through his commonplace book. “We only have room for 3, but we have supplies for 5. If you wanted, you could live in the brig or the galley,” he said.
Fiona looked at her brother. “I’d rather stay here,” she said. “I could learn to make the gourmet meals that are supposedly served here.”
Klaus and Violet looked at each other. “It will be hard finding the materials, but I won’t force you.” Violet said, taking a page out of Ishmael’s book. After giving Fiona a hand-drawn map of the island, the Baudelaires left the island, and began a new journey.

“Look over there!” Sunny cried, only 5 minutes in to the voyage.
“What in the world is going on?” asked Klaus. When he looked up, he saw several hot-air balloons, accompanied by green smoke. The hot-air balloons looked like Hector’s self-sustaining hot-air balloon. In fact, it was. Klaus lit his own signaling device, and after a while, a rope ladder fell from the main hot-air balloon. Duncan, Isadora, and Quigley climbed down. Each was carrying a backpack filled with supplies. “How in the world did you find us?” asked Klaus. Isadora took in a breath, and began to sing on of her trademark couplets.
“News of you we heard,
From the noble black bird.

figures wearing parachutes. “Fiona!” shouted Klaus. Then a propeller fell on the man’s parachute, and the man came crashing down, landing on the pillows Violet decided to unpack.
Violet was shocked. “You’re Fiona’s brother Fernald?” she asked the man who fell.
“Yes,” he rasped in a wheezy voice. “I am.” He waved a hook in the air. “Ooh…I think I broke something,” he said.
Fiona landed right beside him. “That didn’t look to good.” The mycologist said.
“Fiona!” Violet said. She ran over to Fiona and gave her a hug.
“It’s so good to see you again!” she said. No one dared hug Fernald because of his hooks. “I haven’t been called Fiona for a while because I was always called ‘Triangle Eyes’ while I was working with Count Olaf. Fernald wasn’t too happy about being called ‘Hooky’ either. I know this island, and I hope Esmẽ went to Anwhistle Aquatics to look for the sugar bowl. Do you know where she is?”
Sunny put a finger to her head and thought. Finally, she said,

“Esmẽ crashing, Big jet crashing,
Large smoke plume, Esmẽ’s doom!”
                                                                                                                         Violet gasped. Klaus fainted. Fiona fell over. Fernald banged his hooks together. Sunny gave a small bow. After all, it was her first poem.

“E is for Excellent!” Violet spaced out.
“L is for Lovable!” By now, even Esmẽ seemed to have had it.
“I is for…I AM NOT GETTING ANY ATTENTION!” Violet jolted upright.
“You’re not supposed to be able to be here either,” she said with a loud yawn.
“We were fine until you came along, and you act like you own the place,” agreed Klaus.
“I do!” shouted Esmẽ as she lifted the left side of her fire suit to show a gleaming eye.

While the children were arguing on land, Quigley was arming the harpoon gun. “I really hope this actually does bodily harm.” This was the first time Quigley used ‘I’, ‘bodily’, and ‘harm’ in the same sentence. That shows how caring Quigley is. If he had known who was aboard, then he would have communicated to the jet that they weren’t enemies. But he didn’t, and he shot the fighter jet. It went straight through the engine. There was an ear-piercing scream, and the fighter jet hurtled straight for the children.

A falling object weighing 5 tons isn’t very easy to ignore, especially if it’s making noise and emitting light in the late afternoon. “What in the world is that cockpit-bird-car thing?” asked Klaus. Esmẽ looked up a little too late. The jet fell on Esmẽ and Carmelita, a small mercy to the children. They looked up and saw two familiar-looking

wreckage. She didn’t look to happy, and was insulting people as usual.
“You forgot something, you cakesniffer!” she yelled much louder than what should have been possible.
“I really wish she would stop using that word, which doesn’t appear in any dictionary.” Klaus whispered quieter than what should have been possible.
Esmẽ groaned, being ever the more dramatic. “And now, I am more than grateful to present to you, Carmelita Spats, the one and only ball playing cowboy superhero soldier pirate!” she droned on, as if she had nothing better to do (unfortunately, she didn’t).
Violet glared at the incredibly annoying twosome. Finally, she said, “Let’s go,” but then Carmelita got in her way.
“NO!!” she yelled. “I am a tap-dancing singing ballerina, and you will either listen to a song I wrote myself while watching me tap-dance, or face the Tangetelle Grande!” The children immediately grew irritated as soon as she began to sing her poorly written song:
“C is for Cute!” Violet rolled her eyes.
“A is for Adorable!” Sunny gnashed her teeth.
“R is for Ravishing!” Klaus grinned from ear to ear.
“M is for Ms. Perfect!” Klaus sighed, relieved at the small mercy of the fixed spelling.

“Not really,” he said, peeved at Duncan’s false proclamations of facts. “Not only do we have more than enough bags that one wouldn’t make a difference, but even loss of a balloons sandbag wouldn’t matter, all one would do was weaken the flame. If you hit our food basket that would be a different story, because be have not but only two months’ supply remaining.”
Quigley turned as white as a marshmallow. “Food is now officially the lowest of our worries list,” he said.
Hector frowned. “What are you talking about? Food is necessary for survival!” That was when he saw the fighter jet that was hurtling directly toward the main balloon. “Oh dearie me…”

Esmẽ Squalor scowled. “Where’s the mansion?” she demanded. “I heard gourmet meals were served at this disgusting trash heap, but all I see are a few bratty orphans packing up!”
Violet sighed. “Darn. I was really hoping you burned up in the Hotel Denouement. In fact, as the owner of this property I demand you to leave. But first, how the heck did you survive?”  Esmẽ took off her lavish mink coat, and revealed a fire suit. “Darvit,” she swore. There’s no point in translating that word into English, as it would then have to be censored. “I sincerely hope you’re alone.”
Esmẽ grinned. “You wish. Carmelita!” Carmelita’s face popped up from behind the

This is where I want you to make a comment if I use bad grammar, use incorrect spelling, use a wrong name, etc. Please tell me the page number, and quote the exact paragraph with the line underlined. Also tell me exactly what I did wrong, like 'you need a comma.' More like 'you need a comma between Violet and needs.' Thank you!

knew Klaus would know that he was paying absolutely no attention to Violet whatsoever.
“I’m packing the penultimate item, coconuts,” said Violet. Klaus was confused.
“Coconuts? Why would we…” he asked. Violet interrupted.
“Don’t even think of asking,” she said. ‘That’s my sister,’ Klaus thought, ‘secretive and fast-acting.’
“Look over there!” cried Sunny. Violet was shocked to see Esmẽ Gigi Genevieve Squalor, Snow Scouts, and Carmelita Spats shipwreck on the coral shelf. The hearts of our heroes fell as they thought they may have to spend more time in the company of the horrible Carmelita Spats.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Quigley had found a way to get onto Hector’s self-sustaining hot-air balloon (there was a spare balloon), and was finishing a beef-and-cheese enchilada. Isadora, a poet who specializes in couplets, and his sister, sighed.
“Last second sinking, Yet you’re thinking,
Harpoon gun in hand, Aiming at our sand.”

Duncan, a journalist, shook his head. “If you hadn’t caught our basket rather than our bag of sand, it would be hard to stay at this altitude.” Ironically, as a journalist, he had minimal exposure to aerial travel, and therefore had absolutely no idea what he was talking about.

Squalor, and Mr. and Mrs. Quagmire. While Klaus was silently unraveling heartbreaking mysteries about the V.F.D., Sunny was doing her best to understand “baby talk.” Beatrice, a normal baby, did not talk like Sunny’s short words, and her vocabulary consisted of “Goo’s”, “Gaa’s”, and “Waah’s.”
Beatrice grinned. “Goo gaa! Whee!” Sunny sighed, and took a big breath as she started a phrase she has only said three times before, “Pietrisycamollaviadelrechiotemexity,” she gasped, which here (and only in this series) means “I must admit that I don’t have the slightest idea about what is going on.” She actually had a small idea. She knew Violet was making a way to get them off of the now deserted island. She knew Klaus was reading something very helpful. But what she had absolutely no clue about was the ominous looking thing that Beatrice had pointed to, and as it got closer and closer, Sunny saw there was an insignia of an eye on the bow, where the traditional mermaid should have gone. Sunny crawled as fast as she could, back to the Baudelaires’ stakeout.
“Okay, the outrigger is finally ready,” said Violet, who has been working on it for a year. By now, she was 16, Klaus was 13, Sunny was 4, and Beatrice was half a year old. (Quagmires 14 each) Sunny was proud of not having to go to Nursery School. “What is that word that starts with a writing utensil, and means next-to-last?” asked Violet. “Penultimate,” he murmured quietly. Anyone who